


When Dakin Met Irwin

by Gleaming_Spires (cuppaktea)



Category: History Boys (2006), History Boys - All Media Types, History Boys - Bennett
Genre: A mix of play, Also Lockwood doesn’t deserve to be the bastard but that’s the way the chips fall, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canon Disabled Character, Crossover/ AU, Cruelty to Rudge, F/M, Gossip magazine relationship advice - you know for the lolz, Hopefully not OOC, I lied there's a lot of OOCness, I was watching WHMS ok, Irwin lends himself well to neuroticism and Dakin as a bastard with a squishy centre, M/M, Other than I love a Reel Fic, ReelHistoryBoys, Spoilers for When Harry met Sally, That’s not a thing you say? It is now, Unprovoked abuse of Sheffield Wednesday, film and pure lunacy, i genuinely have no excuse for this, sorry Lockwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 13,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21512206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuppaktea/pseuds/Gleaming_Spires
Summary: After graduating from Uni Tom Irwin moves to Sheffield and meets Stuart Dakin, who believes people within the range of sexual attraction can never be friends. When they meet again years later both of their views are challenged.
Relationships: Adil Akthar/Original Character(s), David Posner/Donald Scripps, David Posner/Peter Rudge, Fiona Procter/Felix Armstrong, Stuart Dakin/Anthony Timms, Stuart Dakin/Fiona Procter, Stuart Dakin/OFC, Stuart Dakin/OMC, Tom Irwin/Chris Crowther, Tom Irwin/Douglas Hector (it's not as gross as it sounds I promise), Tom Irwin/James Lockwood, Tom Irwin/Original Male Character(s), eventual Stuart Dakin/Tom Irwin, mentions of Peter Rudge/OFC
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it may or may not be impolite to share titpics with a stranger in a closely confined space (or in other words a standard road trip with Dakin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have tried not to rip off the script from When Harry Met Sally word for word. This is partially in order to try and keep it (roughly) in character (Irwin required minimal changes as Sally which amused me muchly) and partially in the hopes that I don't get tracked down and have the bejesus sued out of me. 
> 
> I've pretty much followed the storyline of WHMS but kept the characters of Dakin, Irwin, Scripps, Posner and Akthar the (more or less) same as in THB (the others are completely changed because I had to fill them in as bit parts - I am only disappointed I didn't manage to shoehorn in Totty).
> 
> The characters are as follows if anyone cares:
> 
> Dakin=Harry  
> Irwin=Sally  
> Posner=Marie  
> Scripps=Jess (I have had to make Jess significantly nicer for this to work)  
> Akthar=Alice  
> Fiona=Helen  
> Lockwood=Joe
> 
> The others are all cameos.
> 
> I would really appreciate any comments however small if you read this hot mess XD (this is unashamedly a work for my own perverse gratification)
> 
> Um also some of the chapters are like 200 words and others are about 1000 - it's not the worst thing about this, just go with it ok?

2007

_~Expressing your feelings is key to an understanding partnership~_

The first time Tom Irwin sets eyes on Stuart Dakin, he’s sucking the face off Tom’s good friend Amanda. Although gross, this isn’t entirely unexpected as Tom is only becoming acquainted with Dakin because he’s Amanda’s current boyfriend.

Amanda got together with Stuart an ill-advised three weeks before the end of the final semester and Tom, still stinging from his break up with Hector, took pity on her pathetic pleading that she’s found the love of her life and that if Tom doesn’t give him a lift to Sheffield she might never see him again and will die of a broken heart.

As it is, his first impression is one of intense awkwardness, especially as Dakin’s hands make their way down to grope unashamedly at Amanda’s bum.

Tom leans ‘accidentally’ on the horn. He still has to wait for another ten minutes for his passenger to jam all of his bags into the small crappy car and to finish snogging through the open window. By the time he finally pulls away from the curb outside Exeter College his ears are glowing hot fuchsia.

The journey doesn't start off well: Dakin buries his nose in his iPhone and scrolls through something that involves loud ten-second bursts of jarring music clips every two seconds.

Tom eventually snaps after fifteen minutes of this.

“Can you please stop that!” He grits, gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly.

Dakin holds both of his hands up in surrender.

Tom’s sigh of relief has barely left his lips when they hit a six-hour tailback on the M6 and Tom’s plan of driving in silence bites the dust quickly.

Bored, Dakin drops his phone.

“What’s a posh boy like you going to a shit hole like Sheffield for then?”

“I’m not posh”

Dakin just stares

“I have a job offer there”

“Okay…..”

“Teaching, history. Starting next week”

“Sounds exciting” Dakin drawls

Tom ignores his sarcastic tone. “How about you?”

“Falling on the Bank of Mum and Dad. Literally, in this case, my dad’s a banker. I’ve been roped in to work for the family firm. I did History too – much more interesting. what college where you at?”

“Corpus” Tom mumbles, awkwardly. “Then I did teacher training with Amanda”

“Right” He responds, seemingly uninterested.

“She’s a lovely girl”

“Hmm? Oh what, Panda? Yeah, she’s sweet”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re excused”

“No I mean, what did you call her?”

“Panda – it’s my pet name for her: Amanda-Panda. Panda”

Tom’s nose wrinkles in disgust. If Dakin notices he doesn’t acknowledge it.

“What about you then? girlfriend?”

“I’m gay”

“Boyfriend?”

Surprised, Tom blinks, “That doesn’t bother you?”

“What?” Dakin asks, distractedly, staring out of the window as they crawl past a sign advertising a services.

“Me …being gay”

“No. Why should it? I’m bi myself actually”

“Really?” Tom tries not to sound like he’s interested “Amanda didn’t mention that”

Dakin shrugs “Amanda doesn’t know. I’m starving, you fancy a maccy –D’s?”

“Not really”

“Whatever, then. Can we stop at the next one?”

“Yeah, I could do with stretching my legs” It might be his imagination but Tom **thinks** Dakin glances down at them, his gaze lingering a tad longer than is necessary.

The time in traffic isn’t completely wasted and they find they do have some things in common – slightly to Tom’s dismay. He steers the conversation away from the comparative history programmes at Exeter and Corpus onto classic films. It turns out Brief Encounter is one of Dakin’s favourites too – Tom honestly wouldn’t have him down as the type.

“She was right to go back to Fred,” Tom says as they finally pull off the motorway.

“What? You’re insane! He’s the epitome of the repressed stiff-upper-lip, no-sex-please-we’re-British, post-war Englishman”

“He’s her long term partner – they have history! Better that than some married flirt she barely knows!”

“He’s the love of her life! They’d have made fireworks in bed and you know it. I’d say Fred hasn’t seen his penis since D day”

“You have to lower the tone don’t you?” Tom tuts, taking a moment to flatten his hair in the visa mirror

“Ah, look at that. Panda’s sent me a snap of her tits”

Tom snaps the visa back up and gets out.

Dakin laughs “God, you’re so repressed”

“I’m not”

“It's ok, I get it. I get it.”

“What?”

“The whole Laura and Fred thing. It all makes sense now”

“What?”

“Nothing” Dakin smirks, stretching so that his t-shirt rides up far enough to show off a strip of flat belly.

“What??”

“Clearly, you’ve never had amazing sex,” He says, leading the way into the service station.

“I have too”

“No you haven’t” He smirks, infuriatingly calm.

“I’ve had some fucking amazing sex!” Tom finds himself shouting as they enter the Little Chef. Tom blushes to the roots of his hair and picks his way quietly to a table by the window where Dakin is already calmly reading a menu.

He doesn't look up as Tom takes a seat next to him. “With whom?”

“If you must know, my boyfriend Hector”

Dakin has the audacity to laugh

“No, you haven’t”

“I have!”

“Nope”

“Funny, I don’t remember you being there at the time, yet you’re quite the expert on my sex life”

Dakin puts down the menu and grins “it’s a talent I have. I can tell. There’s no way you had amazing sex with anyone called _Hector_. _Hector_ is the name of a dirty old kiddie fiddler, _Hector_ is not the name of a hot young stud”

Tom’s mouth hangs open in indignation.

“Oooh Hector!” Dakin moans, mockingly “Do me harder, Hector! You’re an animal _Hector_! See, it doesn’t work. It’s the name, it’s all wrong.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Fine. So why’d you break up if he was such a stud?”

“Who says we broke up” Tom smiles, hoping to shut him up.

Dakin rolls his eyes “Because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be splitting petrol money up to a dump like Sheffield with me, you’d be back in Oxford with Hector the Hard on”

Tom sighs, “If you must know he was a cheat. I heard he’d been touching up some of the people in his tutorial… and then that he was going behind my back with a sixteen-year-old”

Dakin howls with laughter. “See! He’s already getting practice in for his paedo days!”

Still stinging from the betrayal, Tom can’t help but join in the laughter.

When the greasy-looking teenage waitress finally arrives to take their order, Tom is conscious of his companion regarding him with a barely repressed smirk as he orders his jacket potato, stipulating that the cheese and beans not be allowed to touch on the plate.

“What?” He asks, unnerved after the girl slouches off. “It’s a bit boring, I know, but it’s the only thing I trust in here not to give me food poisoning. You’re taking your life in your hands with the fish and chips”

“Nothing” Dakin grins. Tom can’t help but feel he’s missing the joke.

He’s still staring at the end of the meal and Tom is paranoid that he’s dribbled food down himself.

“You’re a very attractive man, did you know that?” Dakin smiles at him.

“Excuse me? Amanda is a friend of mine – I’m giving you this lift as a favour to her”

“I know – so what?”

“So you’re her boyfriend” Infuriated, he throws down his share of the bill on the table and stands to go.

“So?” Dakin asks, following calmly

“So, you’re coming on to me!”

“I am not!”

“I know a come on when I hear a come on, you know. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’ll shag anything that moves”

“Jesus, keep your hair on” Dakin huffs as they emerge into the now dark, cold air. “Just let's say for one moment that I was coming on to you, why is that a crime? It doesn’t have to be a slur against you – you may not believe this but a lot of people consider that kind of thing a compliment”

“You’re with Amanda”

“We’ve been together for three weeks!”

“Do you have insurance?”

Dakin frowns, confused. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“You’re driving. It’s dark, I’m tired and I want your hands where I can see them”

“Can we just forget I said anything?”

“I think it’s for the best”

*****

“You’re lucky being gay, you know”

“How’d you work that out?” Tom mumbles sleepily

“It’s easier to make friends that way – gay, straight, fifty per cent of the population is off-limits for starters, right? But being bi – I find so many people attractive, it makes life very lonely”

“I think that might have less to do with your sexuality than you give it credit. Why should it be lonely?”

“You can’t be friends with someone within your sphere of sexual possibility”

“Bollocks you can’t”

“No it ruins it, it sours the friendship – you’ve already gone batshit at me and we’ve only just met. Can you forget all about it?”

Tom doesn’t answer.

“Exactly. It’s out there now”

“That’s a shame, Dakin. You were the only person I knew in Sheffield.”

“I suppose… as we’re never going to see each other again, I mean. A blowjob’s out of the question?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dakin is a gooseberry with some interesting theories

2012

_~Shed that negative mindset by letting_ _go of the past and focus on the here and now~_

“I’ll miss you” Tom coos at Jimmy

“I’ll miss you more” Jimmy growls against his lips

“I’ve got to go” Tom sighs as his plane in announced

“I love you”

“Wow, you do?”

“Um… yeah. Don’t you?”

“Yeah” Tom beams, his heart fluttering like mad. “yeah, I love you too”

“Jimmy?” Tom turns to find a man lurking disturbingly close behind him, obviously listening in.

“Jimmy!" The man continues, oblivious to the fact that the interruption isn't welcome. "I thought it was you, and it is. It’s been years”

The voice brings with it a flash of recognition and Tom ducks his head, hoping Dakin won’t recognise him.

“Stu, good to see you, what you up to? I read about that big trial you did. Pretty sensational stuff – oh I’m so sorry, this is Tom. Tom this is Stuart Dakin, we went to school together”

Dakin peers at him for a long moment before excusing himself that he has a plane to catch.

“Thank God for that," Tom sags in relief, "I thought he’d place me for a moment. I shared a lift up to Sheffield with him when I first moved here. We were stuck on the motorway for six hours, it was the longest day of my life”

“Er – what happened?”

“He made a pass at me and I turned him down because he was seeing this friend of mine from teacher training – Jesus I can’t even remember her name! Jimmy, I’m a lost cause - I can remember medieval dynasties but I’ve completely forgotten the name of a girl I was so fond of I wouldn’t hook up with her hot boyfriend.”

“Er” Jimmy says again

“And then he said he was lonely because he’s bi and it wasn’t possible to be friends with anyone he might have sex with”

“That’s typical Stu bollocks for you”

“Thank you! You have friends you find attractive don’t you?”

“Do you count?”

“Really?”

“I promise I’ll make one if it would make you happy. By the time you get back, I’ll have a totally platonic close friendship with a GT cover model”

He leans in for a goodbye smooch when Tom gasps

“Amanda!”

“Er”

“My friend, thank God! I wonder what happened to her”

“You’d better get your flight. You can google her when you land”

*****

On the plane, Tom sits lost in a happy daydream about waking up this morning to find Jimmy watching him sleep, a cup of coffee ready on the bedside table, when a voice very close behind him breaks into his reverie.

“Oxford University, history, 2007. Am I right?”

He tries not to jump. “Yes”

“Tim, right?”

“Tom”

Dakin waves his hand. “That’s what I said”

“Did we ever…” He makes a crude mime of a blowjob.

“No!” He frowns at Dakin

“We didn’t!” He squeaks indignantly at the smirking middle-aged lady beside him.

She winks conspiratorially. “Do you want to swap seats?”

Before Tom has the chance to say no she’s up in the aisle and Dakin jumps at the chance.

“So, you and Lockwood huh?”

“Yeah, me and Lockwood”

“He’s a good guy, I’m happy for you, great kisser too”

Tom’s mouth hangs open in offended shock. “You know what, I’m not going to ask”

“Year ten, behind the bike shed, we went to the same school, did he tell you that?”

“I fancy he’s probably come on a bit since year ten, thanks”

“Didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sure it’s true love and all that.”

Tom snorts derisively “If I want advice on love you’d be the last person I’d come to”

“I’m in love. I’m getting married”

“Seriously?”

He whips out his phone and brings up a picture of an attractive young woman, who is thankfully, fully clothed. “Her name’s Fiona Procter, we’re in chambers together, she’s keeping her name”

“Congratulations. It’s just so… romantic of you, Dakin. I wouldn’t have guessed it.”

“Well, people change”

“Speaking of, I thought you were a banker”

“I sidelined into law. You were doing law as well, yes?”

“Close. Teaching”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. What are you heading to Paris for?”

“Conference and scouting around for a school trip. You?”

“Case, it’s kind of confidential”

The hostess arrives with the trolley and Dakin stares like he’s a Martian as Tom orders a vodka and tonic and specifies the ice come in a separate glass.

Tom spends most of the flight pretending to be asleep, which mostly works, but on the way to the baggage carousel Dakin catches up with him on the moving walkway.

“Do you fancy dinner tonight? As friends.”

“I thought you said you can’t be friends with someone you find attractive”

“I never said that – wait a minute, no that’s right. That is true, but who says I find you attractive?’

Tom glares.

“Who am I kidding? But it’s ok because we’re both involved with someone else, so we can be friends"

"What a relief," Tom says, sarcastically.

"Actually no, because you’ll tell Jimmy, who knows I’m a stud and when I tell Fiona she’ll wonder if I fancy you, which of course I do, and they’ll both wonder if we’re seeking something from outside our relationships, which we probably are, and then it’ll affect the relationships so no, we can’t be friends, I was right all along. I usually am”

“Right. Do you want to just stop following me then?”

“Oh” Dakin sounds disappointed in spite of his rambling “OK”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which big news is shared over revolting canteen food

2017

_~ Practice personal reflection and self-growth for a strong and stable relationship. Contentment comes from within ~_

“Jesus are you still reading those stupid advice tips” Tom’s dearest friend and colleague, Posner snorts as they share a working lunch with Akthar, their friend and headmaster.

“I like them” Tom stuffs his copy of Cosmo under his pile of reports and shrugs at Akthar giving him the stinkeye. “I confiscated it from the year tens. I get about one a week that way.”

“They’re all absolute bollocks” Posner scoffs “All I look for in a man is chemistry and a bit of passion”

“And a wife” Akthar rolls his eyes.

“Me and Rudge had the most romantic weekend in the Cotswolds” Posner sighs as he pokes at his dry lasagne.

“That’s great Pos, but I’m waiting on those class reports, that’s why we’re working through lunch, remember?” Akthar barely glances up from his perusal of class 12As submissions for open day.

“We spent the whole time in bed, I can barely walk” He continues as if he hadn’t heard.

Akthar looks up at Tom. “Tell me this isn’t happening”

“Be lucky you’re getting the abridged version” Tom smirks at him

“But then before we left, when he was in the shower, I happened to be looking through his briefcase”

“Sorry, what?”

“He had to bring it, he told his wife he was away on a conference”

“What if he came out of the shower and saw you going through his briefcase?”

Pos waves Tom’s question away.

“He just spent two thousand pounds on a dining table with his wife”

“Where can you even get a dining table for two thousand pounds?” Akthar asks

“You’re missing the point”

“That you’re a nutjob” Akthar mutters under his breath

“The point is: I don’t think he’s ever going to leave her”

Tom puts a comforting hand on top of his “No-one thinks he’s ever going to leave her, Pos”

“Get real, and get on with your reports”

“Akthar, how can you be so heartless? I’m going to die alone!” Posner wails, dropping his head onto the desk, his reports and horrible lunch momentarily forgotten.

“Have you considered, I don’t know, going for men who aren’t married?”

“And who are actually out of the closet” Tom adds, wiping a bit of mash potato off his sausages with a shudder.

“It’s alright for you, Akthar, you’re straight, you don’t know how competitive it is out there. As long as you put on clean underpants everyday women don’t mind what you look like”

“Hey!” Akthar self-consciously smoothes down his rumpled tie. “What about Irwin? He’s got someone and, well –“ His gesture encompasses Tom’s baggy clothes and schoolboy haircut.

“Irwin got lucky, he snapped up a keeper”

Tom pushes his plate away and squares his shoulders. “Jimmy and I broke up”

“What?” Posner’s head snaps up “Jimmy’s single? Ow!” He rubs his shin under the table where Akthar kicked him

“He’s upset Pos” Akthar hisses

“I’m not”

“Do you want to go home? Pos can finish your reports”

“Hey!”

“No, I’m fine, really”

“Excellent” Posner grins, snapping Tom’s phone off the desk. “it sounds like you’re ready”

“Pos, what? Give me my phone”

“I’m installing Grindr. I’ve missed this – swiping” Posner grins with undisguised relish.

“I’m not ready to start having casual sex!” He makes a failed grab for his phone where Posner is, unfairly, holding it out of his limited reach.

“Headmaster, The governors are here to see you”

Posner spins round, guiltily as Akthar’s secretary appears as if from nowhere.

“Thank you, Susan” Akthar clears his throat and gives both of his friends a stern look. “You two get on with those reports. You can discuss your sex lives at the weekend”

“Traitor” Pos mumbles.

“Judas” Tom joins in as they get back to work

“I’m Muslim” Akthar calls back to them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which distressing news is shared watching distressing football

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally have zero knowledge of football teams but I have heard jokes about Sheffield Wednesday and am reporting this second-hand information as fact like the lazy hack I am.

_~ Loyalty is key to forging that everlasting bond ~_

Sheffield Wednesday are playing at home and Dakin is spending a damp afternoon of inevitable disappointment in Hillsborough with his oldest friend – or in other words, they’re out supporting their home team.

“Fiona left me” He plucks up the courage to say five minutes into the second half, right after they score their first goal.

Scripps looks at him incredulously, as if it’s Stuart’s idea of a joke.

“I don’t understand”

“ **You** don’t understand. How do you think I feel?”

“What, she just up and left?”

“She tried to let me down softly – said to me last week that she feels like marriage isn’t suiting her, she wants a trial separation but we can still see each other, like she has no problem with me she just doesn’t want to be my wife anymore! As if life would be more fun if we just role-play being in this casual relationship.”

He breaks off to join in the yelling at an obvious foul from the other team that the ref apparently doesn’t notice.

“Fuck, Stu I’m so sorry” Scripps commiserates as they sink back into their seats.

“I’m just about to argue that when you love someone you want to be with them when I get this feeling of dread, so I asked her _‘Fi, don’t you love me anymore?’_ and she said to me _‘I don’t think I ever did love you_ ’”

“Shit!” Scripps yells just as Wednesday narrowly miss scoring an own goal. “That’s harsh!”

“I know”

“Over the top, too. I would write that if I was doing a script for Eastenders”

“That makes me feel a lot better. She’s already moved out. The worst thing is I knew. I knew for ages that something was wrong I was just kidding myself that we were happy”

“She might come round, if she’s just got itchy feet.”

Dakin shakes his head. “No chance mate. It’s all a big lie. There’s someone else. Jesus, it’s so demeaning but I followed her one night, it’s her new boss.”

“Can I do anything, do want to stay over?”

“Just help me get pissed after this, yeah?” He groans as the opposing team score another goal.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a reunion and tales of woe are shared

_~Devoting time to listen and be attentive to one another strengthens your relationship~_

“So the last time we met he was going on about how he’s going to come out to his wife, once and for all – just sit her down and tell her that he can’t live a lie any longer, then this morning he tells me they’re trying for a baby! I just do not get him!”

Tom lets Posner’s rant wash over him as he examines a glass case full of knapped flints. As long as he’s given the chance to get it off his chest, Pos rarely demands a response – that is usually.

“Tom. Tom. _Tom_ ” Posner accompanies this last hiss with a vicious jab to the arm with a bony finger.

“Ow. I’ve told you it’s always a mistake to hook up with someone in a relationship, let alone a thirty-five-year-old who’s terrified to come out of the closet.”

“Not that. There’s a hottie at two o’clock. Will. Not. Stop. Staring at you. Go talk to him”

Tom looks up, unable to stop himself to see Stuart Dakin conspicuously peering from around an information point. “Oh Jesus, I know that guy. No luck there”

“Straight?”

“Bi, but he’s married – he’d be right up your street”

“You are hilarious. Do you know his wife? Husband?”

“Wife, and no I’ve never met her, I last met him when he’d just got engaged, about five years ago”

“He might not be married anymore, fuck it, he might not have even gone through with it”

“I’m not ready. Also, he’s obnoxious, and he never remembers my name”

“Great arse though” Posner peers unashamedly, almost doing a backbend to get a better look. “What’s to lose?”

“My dignity”

“Too late, he’s coming over” Posner gives Tom’s wheelchair a little shove towards Dakin.

“Tom Irwin, right?” Dakin asks as Tom just stops his wheels in time to avoid a collision.

“N– I mean yes, actually,” Tom says, surprised at being accurately remembered.

Dakin extends his hand and Tom shakes it with some trepidation “Stuart Dakin”

“I remember. This is Posner” Tom glances over his shoulder to see his friend waving as he vanishes into the next room of the museum. “That was Posner”

“What happened to you?” Dakin asks, eyeing the chair.

“Oh, accident” Tom gives his glasses a little nudge, embarrassed at the question. It's silly really, it isn't as if he expects people not to notice, but so many people bring it up unprompted, as if his disability is any of their business.

Dakin frowns, “I knew that old banger wasn’t safe.”

“Er no, actually, I got rid of that years ago, I came off a motorbike.”

“Shit, I’m sorry”

“Don’t be, I’m lucky to be alive, so I’m told”

“How's Jimmy these days?”

“Fine –" Tom removes his glasses to polish them on his shirt “I hear he’s fine”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to put my foot in it. Painful breakup?”

“It was quite”

“Sorry. Look do you fancy lunch?”

Somewhat to his own surprise, Tom says yes, and they wind up in a hipster vegan café around the corner that Dakin recommends.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a friendship is forged over falafel and sadness

_~Fit a date night into your weekly schedule~_

“I just wanted more than him” Tom rationalises into his falafel burger. “I always did, looking back at it: More commitment, but first he had the excuse of it not being legal to get married, and he said liked the freedom of not owning the flat – said we could pack up at a second’s notice and move to Japan or Berlin or Mexico. It was good – at first.

My straight married friend Akthar used to always tell us how tough it was having kids: He and Saira had no time for each other, they were always exhausted from work and the kids, they never had sex, the house was always a tip” He smiles wistfully.

“We would say: How lucky are we? we’re together because we choose to stay together and not because we have all these legal entanglements and we can have sex on the kitchen table whenever we want…And I was happy with that – told myself I was happy” He sighs.

“I started to want more a few years back. Suddenly it was legal for us to get hitched and he just – didn’t want to, and I told him I understood. I wanted a dog but he told me we both worked full time and he was right.” Tom pauses to stab at his salad. “I always _told myself_ that he was right – I was a dreamer, and what I wanted was never realistic.”

“So what changed?”

“One day I was out with Akthar and his family, and the kids were all being silly, laughing and joking. His youngest, Salma was holding onto my hand and we passed this cute cavalier spaniel on the street, and she started begging her parents for a puppy, and getting me to fight her corner and…” He shrugs. “I realised how unhappy I’d become with what I had. So when I got home I told Jimmy: we’ve never wanted to move in ten years, not to the next street never mind another country.”

“And the kitchen table?”

Tom shakes his head glumly. “Not even before my accident. So I said _this is what I want_ and he said _well, I don’t_ and we decided to call it a day and it’s for the best. Better we’re both happy.”

“Fuck me, you sound well adjusted. I’m a fucking wreck”

“It just wasn’t meant to be” Tom secretly congratulates himself on how healthy and completely over Jimmy he sounds. It’s a lie of course, but he’s a good liar.

Dakin’s painful breakup and subsequent divorce seem to have softened him somehow. He is certainly missing the sarcastic humour and confrontational, provoking tone that marked him out on their previous meetings. Tom can’t help but find himself drawn to him and ends up confiding way more than he means to about life after Jimmy.

He even tells Dakin about Oxford – has to really. Dakin catches him out about one of the Dons. Tom is surprised by his sensitivity.

After hearing the mortifying truth, Dakin just shrugs.

“Teaching may not be a full degree, but you still went there. Bristol’s a good uni I hear. In the end, we’ve all got the same qualification.”

Tom feels like he could sink through the floor but apparently Dakin’s serious.

“So what? You lied." He lays a hand on Tom's. "We all lie. Not your fault you can’t do it properly.”

They meet up regularly after that, spending weekends together at to the sorts of places Posner won’t let Tom drag him to – mostly National Trust buildings and war museums, but they also do the Botanical Gardens the Winter Gardens and the Peace Gardens. Dakin shares his interest in history and Tom finds him good company. Without even meaning to, Tom ends up confiding all sorts in him, including his recurring sex dream where he’s in a pink unicorn onesie and Idris Elba is telling him he’s been a very naughty boy.

They exchange numbers and on those late evenings when he’s too tired to continue with his marking but too wound up to sleep, Tom finds himself calling, and he comes to welcome those times when Dakin’s late-night phone calls break-in on his solitary evenings, interrupting lonely hours curled up in front of the telly.

“You just in?”

“No, I’ve been in bed all day, can’t face going out” Dakin sounds exhausted.

“Everything ok?”

“I just miss Fiona”

“I think I just miss the idea of Jimmy”

Dakin pauses for a second “No, I pretty much miss the whole Fi. I got emailed this case today and she’d have loved to hear about it – we used to talk about our cases sometimes”

“You want to tell me?”

“No, it’s boring, I shouldn’t anyway, client confidentiality and all that. It was just right up her street, is all. She’s such a nerd” The smile in his voice is sad.

“Brief encounter is just finishing”

“Channel?”

“Film Four”

He hears Dakin’s telly in the background, the wistful strains of Rachmaninoff from the phone joining the music from his own telly.

“At least I got the flat, which is handy”

“Everyone keeps saying that to me, but really what’s so hard about finding a new flat, compared to losing your wife?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Shut up. You’re in the same boat”

“I’m trying to stay positive here”

“Well, can you not? It’s infuriating.”

“Sorry,” Tom says, not sorry at all as the train steams away on screen, leaving Laura on the platform, wide-eyed and suicidal.

“How can you seriously think she should go back to Fred, like it never happened?”

Tom blinks “I don’t. Where did you get that from?”

“You said so on the drive from Oxford”

“I don’t remember saying that, I think you dreamt it”

“Ah, Iconic” Dakin sighs as Laura sobs in Fred’s arms on screen. “Such a great film”

“Heartbreaking” Tom agrees. “I’m going to sleep I’m on playground duty tomorrow. Will you be alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just going to lie here and replay every embarrassing thing I’ve ever said”

Tom stifles a laugh. “Night then”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Irwin is a massive nerd ~~and it turns Dakin on~~

_~ The key to a healthy relationship is time spent and enjoyed together. Find something you both love and do it together ~_

Once they’ve done most of Sheffield’s indoor attractions, and having to wait until the good weather for the medieval abbeys to become more accessible, Tom and Dakin end up taking trips out of Sheffield on Saturdays.

“God you’re so interesting,” Dakin tells him as they ramble about Helmsley Castle “You ought to be on telly.”

“Don’t make fun” Tom blushes, suddenly ware that he’s been rabbiting away for ages. “You know it all anyway, you went to Oxford.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t always pay attention. I can’t believe you never got in, you’re more than clever enough.”

“Thanks, but it’s about more than being clever. You’ve got to be interesting – that’s what I teach them at school now”

“I wish you were my teacher. What’s that look for?”

“Funny, I was just thinking I’m glad you weren’t my pupil. I bet you were a nightmare”

“I was a refreshing challenge for my teachers”

“I bet you were”

Dakin grins like a Cheshire cat.

“There’s this play on tonight in York I’ve been recommended, I was thinking of staying up and going to see it, maybe getting some dinner and a late train back, do you fancy it?”

“Oh, I’d love to, but I’m busy”

“What do you mean busy?” Dakin laughs. “Your marking will wait until tomorrow – unless you’ve got some hot date” He teases

Tom gives his glasses a nudge into place “Er yeah, I have a date”

“Really?” Dakin drops the mocking tone “That’s great, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I felt bad I suppose, like you might think I was dropping you as soon as someone came along”

Dakin shakes his head. “That’s mental”

“Maybe a bit” Tom smiles, relieved “You should get out there too”

“Oh, no I’m not ready”

“Go on. Give me your phone”

Warily, Dakin fishes it out of his pocket and hands it over.

“What are you doing?”

“Installing Tinder. Male seeking male and female” He glances up at Dakin “Age range 25 to 45”

Dakin pouts.

“ – be realistic. There. Have a swipe through that later. Homework” his eyes twinkle as he hands the phone back.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which dating isn't all wine and roses... at least not for everybody

_~ Accept your lover for who they are ~_

“An absolute fucking disaster” Tom rants at Dakin the next morning.

He’s redecorating as part of his post-Jimmy purge and Dakin is helping him with some DIY in return for tea and gossip.

“I guarantee mine was worse” Dakin grumbles, accidentally smearing paint across his cheek.

“How can it possibly have been worse? He took my glasses off my face without asking and used them as a reflective surface to pick something out of his teeth! In the bar!”

“I asked her what uni she went to and she said Middlesbrough, which naturally reminds me of Fiona”

“Did she go to Middlesborough too?” Tom hands him a cup of tea

“No, Manchester but they both begin with M”

“Ooooookay”

“Suddenly I started crying, in the middle of the restaurant, I got this lump in my throat and I couldn’t even speak. It was so humiliating.”

Tom sighs sadly and picks up his own paintbrush. “I think we just have to prepare ourselves for it to take time. It’s probably going to be months before either of us can think about someone else, let alone sleeping with someone new”

“Oh, I did sleep with her”

“You did?” Tom stops, taken aback.

“Yeah. Only good part of it, it was quite an emotional release actually, I think I’m ready to move onto casual hookups”

Tom shakes his head, a strange mixture of horror and pride competing in his chest.

~ _Inject spice into your sex life by abstaining from full sex for a while~_

Dakin often calls when he gets in after gallivanting.

Soon it becomes part of Tom’s routine to speak to him last thing at night. They’re both so broken it’s nice to have company where there’s no expectation of anything more. Even Posner stops pestering him.

“You’re going weird,” He tells him at coffee on Monday morning. “Akthar, back me up here”

Akthar grunts

“You’re spending every weekend in the company of this absolute hunk and you’re not interested at all? Except in Medieval ruins?”

“No, I told you, we’re friends. It’s nice”

“Your dick will shrivel up from disuse and your balls will contract until you’re a shiny action man down there”

“You are sure it’s Irwin who’s being weird?” Akthar asks.

“It’s a waste!” Pos rants. “Meanwhile Rudge and I spent the most romantic weekend in Paris after getting back on track and then when we get back he won’t even talk to me”

“If you will put it about with straight blokes” Akthar mutters

“He’s not straight! He’s as queer as I am he just can’t let go of the lie”

It’s then that Tom gets the disastrous idea to set Posner up with Dakin. He later blames it on having finally reached his tolerance for hearing about Rudge.

*****

Dakin takes some persuading but gets the idea of hooking Tom up with his oldest friend double date style and warms to the idea quite a lot after that.

“It’s a great plan,” He tells Tom the night before the big date “because if it works we won’t lose touch like people do when they get all coupled up”

*****

Pos says he’s up for it but spends the entire journey to the restaurant moping about Rudge.

“You know he’s never going to do it” Tom chides him, gently

“I know, I know, you’re right, he’s never going to leave her”

“Leave her? He’s never going to come out! You’ll like Stuart”

“I hope so. He’s hot”

*****

“So what’s he like?” Scripps asks Dakin, cursing himself all the way to the restaurant for allowing Dakin to talk him into anything so ridiculous as a blind date, at his age. What’s more, a blind double date where he’ll have to endure Dakin grinning at him encouragingly between courses and where, if by some miracle he and this Tom do hit it off, Dakin will be gleefully watching the spectacle of Scripps blushing and stumbling over his words from nerves.

“He’s interesting, you’ll like him”

“Interesting?” Scripps stops walking. _“Interesting_ , is not a good thing, Dakin. _Interesting_ is what you say when you’re too polite to say horrible”

“I wouldn’t set you up with someone horrible!”

He eyes Dakin distrustfully “Wouldn’t you?”

“No!”

“Alright then” Scripps mumbles, reluctantly, and resumes walking. “So what **is** he like then?”

“He’s hot"

"Oh well, that's all that matters then, I suppose"

"You're impossible, you know that? He’s _got a lot of interests_ if you think it sounds better that way. He was at Oxford too, teaches history at the grammar school”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dakin proves that he can at least pick a decent restaurant

_~ Remember, no matter how perfect someone might be on paper, you can't force chemistry ~_

Tom let Dakin pick the restaurant and he’s pleasantly surprised. It’s wheelchair accessible, the atmosphere is relaxing, the food is nice. The date, at least so far as Tom is concerned, not so much. He finds Dakin’s mate Donald (not the best of starts) prudish and disapproving. He tries to chat about Oxford, which Tom navigates away from and they end up awkwardly discussing literature. It turns out Don’s a huge fan of Orwell and when Tom mentions his opinion about him being a thug they lapse into an uncomfortable silence.

Glancing covertly across the table he hopes that Dakin and Posner are faring better.

“I read this amazing poem in the Indy the other day about genocide and how our attitudes to it are determined by societal racial prejudice” Posner’s voice comes floating out of the silence.

Tom winces inwardly as he catches Dakin’s look of boredom.

“Are you joking?” Scripps pipes up “I wrote that poem”

“No, you didn’t!”

Tom can tell Posner’s impressed because his voice has risen a telltale three octaves.

“I did!”

“God, I thought it was beautiful, the way you compared Yemen, Rwanda, Ukraine and the Kurds to the Holocaust. You know my grandparents fled Germany and the concentration camps? I actually cried”

“God, I’m so flattered” Scripps' face looks ready to split in half he's grinning so hard.

“I’ve studied literature all my life and I’ve never met an author just randomly like this.”

Scripps goes bright pink and grins down at the table. “Well, I wouldn’t say I was an author exactly”

Tom catches Dakin’s eye over the table and gives him a wry smile.

At least the date looks like it will be a success for someone, even if it isn’t either of them.

*****

When they exit into the cold night air together, Pos immediately grabs Tom’s chair.

“Do you need a push?” He asks, not waiting for a response and marches Tom away.

“…I’m fine thanks,” Tom frowns, confused

“Do you mind if I call Don if you’re not interested?” Posner leans over his shoulder to hiss in his ear.

“No, of course not, just…”

“What? Do you like him too?”

“Christ, no!”

“As long as you’re sure”

“Sorry, go ahead. Just - would you mind leaving it for a few days? Dakin’s pretty fragile after Fiona”

“No problem" Posner smiles "I don’t want to upset your friend”

*****

“Dakin,” Scripps pulls him aside to mumble “I have to be honest, I’m not feeling things with Tom. How about you and David?”

Dakin shrugs. “He’s a nice guy”

“But?”

“Not my type really, all that literature stuff, I had enough of that at school.”

“So, would you mind if I called him? It’s just I really like him”

“No of course not mate, be my guest, just… Tom’s a bit of a state after Jimmy, you know? Let him down gently please”

“Of course”

“I actually have a headache” Pos announces loudly as the others catch up. He points to the night bus, pulling up across the road to a queue of drunk students. "That bus goes straight past mine, I’m sure you guys won’t mind if I just hop on it would you?” 

“I’ll see you home,” Scripps practically sprints after him as Pos abandons Tom’s chair on the pavement. “Night buses can be full of weirdos”

Tom’s eyes meet Dakin’s as their dates disappear off together.

“Dicks”

Tom laughs.

The only upside of the disastrous double date, that Tom can see, is that it finally puts an end to all mention of Rudge and Posner’s moping.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I did include _That_ scene

_~Disconnect with your phone from time to time and reconnect with your partner~_

“Anything interesting?” Tom asks, hoping he sounds as passive-aggressive as he feels.

Stu has spent half their midweek coffee meet up staring at his phone. If his friend would prefer to be somewhere else, he’s got a ton of marking waiting at home.

“I think I’m giving up on the shagging about.” Dakin sighs “I’m ready for something else. I don’t want to be alone when I’m fifty”

Tom isn’t sure if this is supposed to be an explanation or if Dakin’s just thinking aloud, as he tends to do.

“That’s eighteen years away”

Dakin waves his phone at Tom. “I’m looking for girls, I’m not seeing anyone I like the look of”

“Maybe give up on the online dating for a bit?”

After his enthusiastic start, Tom has mostly given up on dating entirely. He doesn’t say that he’s noticed Stu looks for women to date and men for one night stands. Truthfully, it pisses him off.

“I hate being gay,” He says

Dakin laughs. “What?”

“Ok, I don’t. I hate not being the sort of gay that Pos is”

“A man-slag” Dakin supplies.

"He's my oldest friend"

"Trust me, take it from the horse's mouth: your oldest friend is a man-slag"

“You once said being bisexual made you lonely because you have no limitations, I find the opposite is true.”

“How’s that?”

“I can’t meet anyone organically anymore, nobody I find attractive anyway, and I hate online dating: it feels so sterile and all I get are guys looking for a quick fuck”

“I don’t see the problem." Dakin shrugs "A quick fuck is nice”

“It isn’t what I want. I’m getting older every day and being disabled narrows the field even further.”

“How’s that?” Dakin mumbles, not looking up from his phone.

Well practised in the art of confiscating devices by stealth, Tom snatches it out of his hand.

“Because!”

Dakin simply raises his eyebrows.

“Wheelchairs aren’t sexy! I’m stagnating in singledom”

“Maybe just take someone up on a fuck, it might go somewhere”

“Right, have any of yours gone somewhere?”

“I don’t want them to”

“Sure”

“What’s that mean?”

“Nothing, it's just you’re so certain it's you who wants to cut and run”

Dakin frowns, confused. “You’re saying they want shot of me?”

“I’m saying you use people”

“I think they have a good time”

“Of course you do, you never stick around long enough to hear otherwise”

“What is this about? It's not about you!”

“Let me guess, you’re toppy.”

“I’m not letting a stranger fuck me” Dakin scoffs

“And you’ve never been in a relationship with a man?”

Dakin shrugs. “No”

“So you have no idea what their experience is? Whether they’re uncomfortable or rushed, or bored?”

“I think they’d let me know”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah”

“How can you tell?”

“I know it’s been a while for you, but there’s a physical clue there” He vaguely mimes some sort of explosion

“Stimulate anyone long enough and they’ll come. Has it ever occurred to you they might think you’re a crap shag?”

“I can tell”

Dakin munches into his sandwich and is interrupted by a groan from Tom like he’s in pain

He’s about to ask if he’s ok when he catches the look on his face and catches on.

“Oh fuck” Tom is moaning “Oh god you’re so big in me. You’re amazing, oh yeah!”

Dakin ducks behind the menu to avoid the stares of the other customers as Tom continues to moan and shout encouragement. It seems to Dakin that it goes on forever.

“Oh wow you’re so good at that” He moans loud enough for the whole place to hear, a couple of people whip their hones out to video.

“Jesus, I’ve never come so hard in my life!” Tom finishes by yelling then picks up his cup and takes a sip as though nothing happened, if Dakin weren’t so embarrassed he’d point out he looks like the Kermit with a cup of tea meme.

At this point, an attractive woman wanders across to talk to them, which is unfair in Dakin’s book as he’s trying to hide.

“Christ Tom!” She laughs “that must be a good coffee!”

Tom flushes nearly purple at being recognised.

“I’ll have one of them please,” she asks the flustered waiter who has shuffled over in order to ask them to leave.

“Who was that?” Dakin asks when they emerge red-faced into the street.

“My physio”

“Can I have her number?”

“No, but I’ll introduce you if you come along next week”

The physio actually lasts a surprisingly long time, until a month later and the day Tom takes Dakin shopping for Pos and Scripps’ housewarming present.


	11. Chapter 11

_~ Don't be afraid of vulnerability as this is where your relationship can grow ~_

As Tom is Posner’s closest friend and Stu is Scripps’ oldest friend, they can hardly just get something easy like a bottle of booze to celebrate the couple moving in together, tempting though it is to give in.

After hopeless hours of traipsing up and down the high street looking for something sensible and useful, they end up in a stupid expensive gadget store.

“Oh my god, I’ve found it” Dakin cries bounding across the shop like a Labrador retriever. “This is the perfect gift!”

“A home karaoke machine?” Tom scoffs, “1993 called, they want their gift back”

“Yeah and 2003 called, they want their joke back”

Tom fake laughs as derisively as he can manage.

“Seriously though, they’re musical, aren’t they? Pos does all that am-dram shit, right? He loves showing off”

Tom isn’t convinced. “Scripps though…”

“For parties! His favourite thing is seeing people make a fool of themselves, trust me”

“It’s two hundred quid, Dakin”

“Look they’ve got songs and everything! This one’s perfect, come on!”

If Tom wasn’t already in the wheelchair he thinks he would have had to sit down from the force of his laughter as Dakin begins belting out ‘Let it go!’ in the middle of the shop.

“Come on, join in”

Dakin thrusts a word sheet under his nose and Tom, still weak from laughter gives it a go.

A few people stop to watch but mostly the other shoppers ignore them. Tom is just starting to enjoy himself and stop panicking that one of his pupils will walk in and see him when Dakin falls silent.

“What?” Tom laughs. “I know I have a dreadful voice, Jimmy always said I should never sing”

Looking up, he follows Dakin’s gaze to an attractive woman who looks as if she could lead a seminar on power dressing, walking towards them on the arm of a man who Tom initially assumes is her father.

“Hi Stu,” She says, her voice almost apologetic.

Tom has never seen Dakin stumped for words before.

“You look well. I’m well. This is Felix” She introduces the older man who smiles smugly at Dakin and wraps his arm around her waist.

Dakin looks like he’s about to be sick.

She glances at Tom.

“Oh, sorry, rude of me.” He croaks, finding his voice “Tom Irwin, Fiona Procter”

Fiona shakes hands with a smile and introduces Felix who bends down to say hello to him.

Tom grinds his molars together.

“Well, it was nice to see you,” Fiona nods to them both and drifts away.

“Shit”

“That was-?”

“Yes. Shit. Come on, let’s go”

They end up buying a card and a toaster on the way out. As gifts go it’s lame but Dakin has forgotten everything but his recent heartbreak and humiliation and Tom keenly feels the need for them to leave.

“What would you say he was, eighty?” Dakin asks as they take the lift down to the car park, fidgeting the whole way.

“Late fifties maybe”

“And she looked bad, didn’t she? Stressed. I think she’s comfort eating”

“I’ve never seen her before, Dakin”

“Trust me, she did. She always put on weight when she wasn’t getting enough sex”

“Dakin!”

Tom isn’t happy about letting Dakin head home to stew in his own funk so he suggests that they head over and give Pos and Scripps their present. Dakin agrees to the suggestion with a sullen nod.

*****

When they arrive a domestic is taking place under a thin veneer of cutesiness, which isn’t ideal.

“Don, sweetie” Pos wheedles through gritted teeth “that can’t go in the living room”

“Why not?” Scripps stands back to get another perspective on his painting “I like it, it says ‘home’ to me”

“It says Greek Orthodox church to me”

“It’s catholic, actually. My Gran always had one”

“And that’s _lovely_ but I’m Jewish, as you know” Posner’s voice grows sweet enough to set off danger sirens in every part of Tom’s brain.

Scripps, however, carries on apparently blissfully unaware that he’s drifting into perilous waters.

“I’m not suggesting we pray to it or anything, it just has a warmness to it. Stu, back me up here”

“It’s, yeah it’s nice,” Dakin says, not even glancing at the portrait of the sacred heart with its built-in glowing red light bulb that Scripps is attempting to hang above the telly.

“Really?!” Pos challenges. “Tom, what do you think?”

Tom, who has been awkwardly wheeling himself backwards and forwards on the spot, stops still and reluctantly glances at it. He can’t quite control his grimace.

“See, Don, it’s hideous”

“It’s kitsch!”

“No, it’s downright awful”

They're interrupted by a bout of bitter chuckling.

The three of them turn to see Dakin scowling darkly. “This is cute”

“Oh boy” Tom mutters under his breath

“Me and Fiona were like this when we got married: picking out things for the house, squabbling over pointless shit like picture frames and two quid plates from IKEA. Then five years later you find yourself singing ‘Let It Go’ in front of fucking Felix!”

“Dakin” Tom breaks in, but he’s on a roll, his voice rising into a shout.

“The same shitty two quid plates I never even cared about in the first place cost me hundreds in solicitors letters. Posner, Scrippsy, do yourselves a favour and write your names in all your books now, because believe it or not someday you’ll be willing to go three rounds through the courts for custody of this hideous, Jesus-in-Amsterdam, The-Shining-style-blind-Irish-granny picture”

Rant finished, he turns and storms out.

“Wait!” Scripps calls.

Dakin stops in the door.

“I thought you liked the picture!”

_Bless him_ , Tom thinks. He sounds heartbroken

“You asked me to!” Dakin spits and makes a beeline for the front door.

Posner turns to his partner and pats his arm. “You see, love, it’s got to go,” He says, without a hint that he even noticed the outburst.

“I better follow him” Tom shrugs an apology. “He just bumped into Fiona”

“Right, yeah” Scripps nods, looking a little shaken.

Tom is relieved to find Dakin pacing up and down the driveway. In the time it took to follow him outside, Dakin could have been nearly home if he’d wanted to be.

“Don’t worry about me” Tom groans, as his chair bumps painfully down the front step.

“I know what you’re going to say, I was out of line” Dakin holds up his hands

“Dakin, you’re going to have to find a better way of processing this”

“Well, when you think of something message me, won’t you, Mr Perfect?”

“Why are you taking your anger out on me?”

“Why not? You’re the fucking robot telling me how to live my life!”

“Excuse me” Tom nudges his glasses into place.

“You literally have no emotional response to this! Your longest ever relationship just broke down, you went through so much together, how can you not feel anything about it? How can you never get upset?”

He resists the urge to match Dakin’s shouting – _just_. “How dare you”

“You’re so over Jimmy, you’re so above these pesky emotions, so why don’t you go out with someone?”

“I do go out”

“Yeah sure, ‘go out’. Have you got any since you broke up with him?”

“Excuse me? What exactly does that prove?" Tom gives in to the urge to shout "I’ll be over Jimmy in your book if I fuck someone else? Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? Only one problem -I don’t see it working for you. You’ve been with practically everyone in Yorkshire and I hardly see Fiona turning into a distant memory. So I’ll sleep with someone when it’s someone I care about, not the way you do it like you’re out for fucking revenge!”

Dakin turns away and blows out a deep breath before collapsing on the low garden wall, sinking his head into his hands. “Fine, look, I’m sorry”

Taking pity on him, even though he’s being a grade-A prick, Tom lays a hand on his shoulder.

Dakin looks up at him, his eyes misty “I really am” he sniffs.

Tom pulls him in for a hug.

“Say sorry to your friend, I think you’ve broken his heart”

“Are you joking? Dakin laughs wetly. “I’m not getting in the middle of that!”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Irwin ~~is jealous~~ catches a break

_~ Express gratitude_ _in your relationship daily ~_

Dakin’s next serious relationship a year after Fiona is a man. He announces it in the run-up to Christmas, As well as taking Tom completely by surprise it has the unpleasant effect of making him feel weird around Dakin for the first time. He doesn’t like to examine the feeling too closely, although he scornfully dismisses Posner’s teasing suggestion that it’s jealousy.

The fact is that they spend less time together than normal in December, not that Tom has much time to dwell on it because by some miracle he finally finds someone himself.

Chris Crowther meets all the essential criteria:

a) Tom is into him

b) He’s not a complete weirdo

c) He is actually looking for a relationship rather than just a quick fuck

On top of all of this, he’s intelligent, interesting, financially successful and drop-dead gorgeous. Tom can't believe his luck.

The four of them meet for the first time at Pos and Scripps’ multi-faith December party. Dakin and his new boyfriend, Tony seem made for each other, they’re brimming over with in-jokes and knowing looks and every interaction seems peppered with either secret little nudges and winks or explosive laughter.

Seeing them together brings out the unnamed ugly feeling in Tom. He tries to ignore it but nevertheless, it steals a little bit of the happiness he feels for his friend, and what’s worse, sours a little bit of his own satisfaction.

“Tony’s maybe a bit… rough around the edges, isn’t he?” He probes Posner in the privacy of the kitchen “Dakin likes sophistication.”

“Maybe he seems that way, but if he’s looking for culture, Dakin would be hard-pressed to find someone better”

“What culture? The man runs a dry cleaner’s”

Posner gives him a tray of drinks along with a sideways look. “He owns about twelve dry cleaners and he funded a gallery and an arts centre with the money”

“Wait, you’re saying Tony is Anthony Timms?” Tom almost drops the tray in shock.

“Dakin’s done well for himself and Chris is perfect for you”

“Isn’t he?” Tom grins, somehow not feeling it.

He isn’t heartbroken when they go their separate ways on the 27th.

A freshly dumped Dakin takes him to a New Years Eve bash and sits out on the dancing with him and flirts innocently and innocently kisses him a happy new year on the balcony when Tom gets tipsy and goes out in need of air before he says or does something stupid.

“Next year” Dakin promises him, “if we’re both single, we’ll do this again. It’s so nice to have someone to go to stuff with”


	13. Chapter 13

2018

_~Remember to be grateful for the little things~_

“I’ve been thinking about your new year's resolution” Dakin announces at after-work-coffee.

They’ve had to find a new place after Tom’s display last year and are trialling places. They’ve yet to find the perfect one.

“To move on with my life?”

“Exactly. I’m making mine to help you to move on”

Tom pushes up his glasses. “OK well there are a few things wrong with that: it’s March, and your resolution is supposed to be something **you’re** going to do”

“No, I’ll tell you what’s wrong: you haven’t seen anyone or done anything new so far this year, except cafes, and we’re nearly a quarter of the way through. So…”

He pulls out his phone and starts pulling up something Tom can’t see.

“Oh really no, Stu, I told you I’m off blokes for a bit – internet blokes anyway”

“I’m not looking for men. Honestly, you’ve got such a dirty mind. I’m looking for bitches”

Tom accidentally spits out a mouthful of coffee. “Excuse me?”

Turning his phone Dakin shows him the Kennel Club’s website.

“You’ve been going on about this for ages. Why not now?”

“I work,” He says, Jimmy’s tired old excuse out of his mouth before he’s even thought about it.

“That’s what dog walkers are for”

With only the smallest of nudges, Tom abandons his paper in favour of searching for the perfect breed.

“A poodle” Dakin suggests

“Nothing too gay”

“We can request a straight poodle. Fine, a rottweiler?”

Tom rolls his eyes. “Nothing too straight either. I want a dog, not a statement. It has to be something I can manage with the chair, small enough for the flat, but not too yappy” He says, dismissing the Yorkshire terrier.

“Hear me out: dachshund! They’re perfect” Dakin declares. “You can’t walk, they can’t walk”.

Tom calls him a dick, but he’s pretty sold on the idea and a month later Dakin drives him down to Norfolk to collect Tudor the puppy.

*****

They stop for lunch at a pub on the way back to Sheffield and Stu has to work hard on not grinning soppily at Irwin, beaming from ear to ear at the tiny puppy on his lap.

He can’t be doing that good a job though because Irwin looks up at him and smiles, a different, more self-conscious smile.

“What?”

“Just congratulating myself on an excellent plan, well-executed”

“Your Uncle Stuart's so full of himself, yes he is!” Irwin coos at Tudor, who’s licking his chin.

Whether it’s because the puppy gives him an excuse to stare, or something else, Stu decides to ask something he’s been wondering for a while.

“I’ve been meaning to ask – the food thing?”

“What thing?” Irwin asks, distracted.

Stu points at the tiny ramekin of horseradish which is presented on the side, by request.

“I just don’t like it touching” He shrugs

“But it’s ok for a sandwich to touch the filling?”

“Yes, as long as there’s no sauce – nothing wet” Irwin shudders in disgust.

“You’re so high maintenance did anyone ever tell you that?” Stu laughs

“That’s not high maintenance Stu. God help your poor conquests if you think it is” Irwin rolls his eyes and feeds Tudor a little bit of his steak sandwich.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dakin has a night of mixed emotions

_~ Devote time to listen and be attentive to each other ~_

It’s been a rough year or two for Stuart Dakin but the long-awaited finalising of his divorce in January has given him a new lease of life.

He is just in the door (not his own), and rutting against a cutiesh twenty-something guy on the bed, when his phone begins vibrating in his pocket. He ignores it in favour of nibbling his way down the guy’s neck but when it goes a second time he’s possessed by a nagging anxiety.

“Sorry about this, might be important” He smiles apologetically at his frowning companion as he shuffles away.

To his surprise, Irwin’s number comes up. It’s hardly unusual for him to call, but he knew Stu had a date tonight and it isn’t like him to forget something like that. Still, mates before dates and all that, he picks up.

Irwin’s voice comes hiccoughing down the line before he’s even said hello “Are you alone?”

“I can be. Are you ok?” Stu asks, immediately gripped with worry.

“Yeah” Irwin sobs. “I’m fine”

“What happened?” He covers the phone and turns back to the increasingly frustrated young man behind him. “Something’s come up, I might have to head. Sorry” He mutters.

“It’s Jimmy. He’s getting married”

“Fuck. I’ll be right over”

*****

When Irwin answers the door he’s using his stick for support. Stu knew he had it, he’s seen it in the hall, but it’s the first time he’s seen him use it – hell it’s the first time he’s seen him out of the chair since they met up the last time. Dakin isn’t sure why, but he looks painfully vulnerable without it.

“I’m sorry, did I ruin your evening?” Irwin asks. He sounds terrible

“Nah, I barely fancied him. What happened?”

Tudor scampers around him licking his ankles while Stu hangs up his coat and follows his friend inside.

“He just called me up today, really casual, asked how I was” Irwin doesn’t settle anywhere, instead he does laps around the room. Stu gives up following him in favour of relaxing on the sofa and scratching Tudor behind the ears.

“’ Am I still at the school? How’s my family? He’s got a promotion, thinks he’s up for magistrate in the next year, blah blah blah’, and I’m so bored and I remember how he always used to go on about work for hours like it was the most important thing in the world, and I’m thinking _Jesus, I used to think this guy was everything, I’m so over him, what did I ever see in him?_ Then - out of the blue: ‘I’m getting married!’”

Irwin hobbles about furiously, his cheeks flushed pink with rage.

“He met him five months ago on some case – he was the defending prosecutor, they want to adopt a kid!”

He punctuates this by thumping furiously on the floor with his stick.

“He didn’t want me to see the announcement in the paper. Who even puts an announcement in the paper nowadays?!”

“I’m sorry,” Stu says, and means it.

Behind his glasses, Irwin’s eyes well with tears.

“I need a drink” He chokes

“Ok”

when he returns with a glass of whiskey, Irwin is slumped on his bed, dabbing at his eyes, his glasses abandoned next to a box of tissues. Stu takes a seat next to him, and throws a comforting arm around his shoulder.

“He’s picked up with this barrister twink in five months and he wants to get married – we were together eight years! This is supposed to be a rebound relationship! Fucking bastard lawyers!”

“None taken”

Stu hands over the whiskey and Irwin knocks it back in one. Swapping the glass for a tissue, he grimaces with disgust as Irwin loudly blows his nose next to Stu’s ear.

“It’s my fault”

“Oh yeah? How’d you work that out?” Over the course of their friendship, Stu has revised his opinion of Jimmy somewhat and has no hesitation in categorising him as a selfish, controlling bell-end.

“I’m difficult” Irwin croaks

“Challenging” Stu counters

“I’m picky”

“Detail oriented, it’s a good thing” He smiles, stroking his hair

“I’m high maintenance”

No argument there. “Yeah, but you’re worth it”

“I’m going to be a forty-year-old, celibate cripple and die alone”

The dog grumbles from his basket as if in response.

“Well, you’ve got eight years until then. Don’t you think you’re jumping ahead a bit?”

“Says you. You could find someone tomorrow for something serious and all I get are blokes looking for quick hookups and total losers – frequently both. Mr no-commitment-Jimmy is adopting a baby”

“Ok, so if he came back to you tomorrow would you have him back?”

“No, of course not, but he wouldn’t even let me get a dog! I told myself he didn’t want that kind of commitment, that he had issues, but it wasn’t true. He didn’t want it with me”

Irwin does cry then. Without thinking, Stu pulls him to his chest and rests back against the headboard. It feels nice, natural, as if they’ve always done it, and when Irwin eventually calms his breathing and looks up at him it feels like the natural thing to lean in and kiss him.

The sex is good but afterwards Stu feels anything but. The rightness of the whole thing has evaporated into thin air, leaving him feeling like crawling out of his skin.

Irwin is awake too, snugly and blissed-out beside him, or else he’d run; only their friendship keeps him in the bed. He falls asleep feeling like an intruder and wakes early after a restless night.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Irwin faces the realities of the night before

_~"Trust Takes Years To Build, Seconds To Break And Forever To Repair" ~_

Tom wakes to a susurrus of clothing being pulled on. Sitting up he remembers the events of last night with a smile. Rubbing sleep out of his bleary eyes he’s confronted with the sight of Dakin attempting to hurriedly wrestle a sock of out the mouth of a puppy, his finger on his lips.

“Hi”

Dakin jumps and glances around, a guilty expression on his face. “Hi, hi, I mean - hi”

“Um, hi. You’re going?”

“I er I‘ve got to get going. I want to hit the gym before work and I need to get changed and showered, boring stuff,” he blurts in a rush, then lets out a forced laugh “and you have work too, but we’ll meet up for dinner tonight, ok?”

Feeling strangely naked without them, Tom reaches for his glasses. Oddly, the fact that he is actually naked doesn’t bother him half as much once they’re settled on his nose.

Fully dressed, Dakin gives him an awkward kiss on the cheek and pauses.

“You er… want any help?” He nods to the chair

“I’ve managed perfectly well for the past five years, thanks”

“Of course, stupid of me. Well, bye.”

“Fuck!” Tom curses, as soon as the front door slams behind his (now possibly ex) friend. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

He fumbles for his phone, and his dressing-gown, not feeling able to talk to another of his friends while nude, even if they can’t see him this time.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the morning after visits Posner and Scripps

_~Remember: you are a team~_

Posner and Scripps are woken well before their alarm by Posner’s phone vibrating across the bedside table.

Tom’s voice sounds frantic through the phone. “Pos I’m sorry to ring you this early but I need to talk to you. I slept with Dakin”

Posner sits up, fully awake. “Oh my God, that’s brilliant news!” He mimes lewdly at Scripps who is lying on his back, blinking blearily up at the ceiling.

At that moment Scripps' own phone goes. He lifts it to his face without sitting up.

“This had better be sensational” He grumbles.

“Scrippsy, it’s Stu, I’m sorry to wake you but something awful’s happened. I slept with Irwin”

“That doesn’t sound bad to me. I’ve been saying to David you should for ages”

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Pos asks

“How did it happen?” Scripps says at the same time

“I was upset about Jimmy…”

“He had some bad news, he asked me to come round…”

“I’d had a bit to drink, I was upset…”

“He just looked so vulnerable…”

“I thought it was what I wanted – it was nice and everything, but then it got weird…”

“At first it was good, but then after I felt suffocated….”

“I feel like such a fool”

“I feel like a pig”

“Can I hear Scripps on the other line?”

“It’s just the paper, some story they want him to do on…trams”

Scripps shoots Posner an odd look and Tom sounds far from convinced.

“Right”

“Is that Pos on the phone? Is he talking to Tom?”

“What? No, it’s the school, they want him to do a last-minute assembly”

“Do you want to come over?” Posner and Scripps both ask at once, and make furious ‘no’ gestures at each other.

“No, I have to go home and get showered”

Scripps breathes a sigh of relief.

“Thanks but I have to sort my head out. I’ll catch you at break”

“Great!”

“What?”

“That…. You… feel able to cope – we’ll go out for lunch ok? Bye” Posner garbles out in a breathless rush before hanging up

“Jesus Davey, play it natural why don’t you?” Scripps chuckles, cuddling him.

“I did my best! Improv isn’t my strong suit. Anyway I don’t know what all the drama’s about, if I’d slept with Dakin I’d be jumping for joy like a randy hare in spring”

“Oi” Scripps pokes him.

“Before I met you, of course. I haven’t got eyes for anyone else now”

“Good” Scripps gins

“You know… I don’t have to get up for another hour and I probably won't get back to sleep” Pos rubs one strong freckled bicep, and Scripps, taking the hint, rolls them both back down onto the mattress.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Irwin tries to be a good friend

_~ Your time together is as precious as your bond ~_

“I’ll just tell him,” Tom tells Posner in the staff room at break “'Dakin’ I’ll say ‘It was a mistake’”

He isn’t sure what to wear to dinner (Posner’s suggestion of ‘something sexy’ isn’t exactly helpful), everything feels suddenly wrong somehow, where it never has before. As it is he has to go straight from school as he’s held up doing detentions so he arrives sweaty and rumpled.

*****

Dakin is already there when he arrives. Thankful for small mercies, Tom notices no sign of the panicked look he was wearing when he fled the flat that morning.

They spend the time waiting to order by grinning awkwardly at each other.

“It was a mistake!” He blurts out halfway through the starter.

Dakin breathes out a great sigh of relief. Tom isn’t sure whether it’s reassuring or insulting.

“Oh thank God you said that. I’m so relieved. It really was. We should put it behind us. Actually, now that we’ve done it, it will be out of the way forever.”

He forces a smile. “Maybe we just needed to get it out of our systems”

It’s still weird though, and over the next few weeks, Tom suspects Dakin is avoiding him while he grows steadily more resentful the longer he thinks about it, which is awkward because Pos and Scripps’ wedding is around the corner and they’re both best men.

*****

Attending Posner’s final fitting for his suit and helping with the wedding preparations is supposed to cheer him up and take his mind off things, but it just serves to make Tom bitter. Dakin’s apparently moved on to some personal trainer (another man) who according to Pos is built like a brick and just as dumb.

“Is he bringing him to the wedding?”

“No idea. Stop eating those, you’re supposed to be wrapping them” Pos scolds, smacking sugared almonds out of his hand as it makes its way towards his mouth.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a wedding

_~ Always remain calm with each other. Anger is never productive ~_

The wedding is adorable and painful in equal measure.

While he may not be Tom’s cup of tea, it’s plain that Scripps is perfect for Posner, and Tom tries to drown his own bitter feelings in alcohol and paste on a bright smile. He just about manages it, too, until Dakin comes over to chat at the reception.

He had so far managed to completely avoid him, as the stag dos were separate and their official wedding duties at no point required the best men to talk to each other.

“A gorgeous service,” Dakin says to him, sidling up beside him, like he’s trying to chat up a stranger.

“Yeah”

“Posner’s mum is adorable, she’s so proud”

Tom hums his agreement.

“How are you?”

“Fine”

“You look nice. Are you seeing anybody?

“Stuart, what do you want?” Tom sighs

“To talk to you”

“Well I don’t want to talk about it” Tom wheels himself away

“Are we going to carry this around forever? Dakin asks, following and stepping into his path.

“What do you mean forever? It just happened!” Tom hisses

“It was three weeks ago!”

It takes Tom a while to close his mouth, he can’t believe how blasé Dakin is about the whole thing. He manages to gain enough control to move away from where they might be overheard and cause a scene. Counting on Dakin to follow him.

“So what?” He spins around, having reached a quiet corridor of the hotel “How can you just act like it means nothing?!”

“I’m not saying it means nothing, but why does it have to mean everything?”

“Because it does! If it meant nothing you wouldn’t have run out of the door the second it happened!”

“What even is wrong with you? We agreed it was a mistake”

“No kidding” Tom bites, tuning and wheeling himself away again.

Refusing to take the hint Dakin continues to follow along. Tom hates how easy it is for him to catch up.

“Will you just listen? Look, let me just say this: I never intended to sleep with you, that’s not why I went round but you just looked up at me with your big weepy eyes, and you looked so small and sad – what was I supposed to do?”

“I’m sorry, did you just say I was a pity fuck?”

“No, I -”

Tom considers for all of two seconds before throwing his drink into Dakin’s face.

He moves as fast as he can back into the reception room, silently cursing his inability to run. Dakin no doubt has something else to say to him, but they arrive just in time to hear a drunken Scripps announce to everyone:

“Instead of a first dance, I would like to propose a toast to our good friends and best men Tom and Stuart. If either David or myself had been even remotely attracted to either of them, this wedding would never have happened! And now, everyone to the dance floor!”

Tom is very glad when the whole thing is finally over.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we draw to our conclusion in true rom-com style

_~ It is just as vital, if not more important to spend quality time alone as it is to spend time together ~_

Dakin makes several attempts to contact him in the following weeks, in the form of texts, voicemails and gifs and, on one occasion, a hand-delivered card.

Tom knows he should block him if he’s really serious about not wanting to see him again but he can’t quite bring himself to, not when Tudor barks and wags his tail at every voice message.

The trouble is that he doesn’t want their friendship to be over, it’s been such a rock to him over the last couple of years. Why, then did he have to ruin it all by sleeping with Dakin? No, he tells himself, that wasn’t the problem. What ruined everything was Dakin’s attitude afterwards. Tom is still hurt and humiliated and when the feeling calms down he’ll review whether he wants Dakin out of his life or not. Space, that’s what he needs.

He certainly misses him, decorating for Christmas is nothing like last year when Dakin came around to help and they laughed and got drunk, and Dakin ended up telling him about Timms – God was that only a year ago?

Posner is away on honeymoon so he has nobody to talk to about it, except Akthar who squirms uncomfortably before telling him to ‘get over himself’.

He finally picks up the phone after a particularly cringe-worthy video of Dakin singing ‘sorry seems to be the hardest word’ on the home karaoke machine is sent to his WhatsApp, followed by a call.

“What do you want, Stuart?”

“Tom? Hi! I’m so glad you picked up”

“What is it?”

“Um, I just was wondering if you got Scrippsy’s invite to the City Hall new years thing? They’ll be back from honeymoon by then and you know how last year we said if we were both single we’d go together and – well I’m single. It might be nice, you know, if you are”

“Stuart I can’t do this anymore” Tom is embarrassed by the way his voice wavers “I can’t be your second best option. I’m sorry. Please stop calling me”

He gives up on his marking and takes Tudor to the Winter Gardens to clear his head.

*****

Within the week of returning from his honeymoon, Posner manages to persuade Tom to not only attend the stupid party but also to agree to be set up with one of his more acceptable exes, a guy with more teeth than brain cells who keeps dropping hints about how rich he is and kisses like a dead fish.

By eleven-thirty, Tom has had enough and loses his ghastly date for long enough to find Pos and tell him that he’d rather spend new years in bed with his dog.

“Good luck finding a cab, and I’m not giving you a lift,” the tanned little bastard tells him

“Ugh, just keep your arsehole ex-boyfriend away from me, then”

"Don't you like him? I think you're perfect for each other"

"Thank you so much"

Pushing himself towards the door Tom catches sight of Dakin rushing in. Posner had promised him he wouldn’t be there. He might not have realised actually, because Dakin isn’t exactly dressed for it, in jeans and a hoody.

“Tom” He catches sight of him and rushes over.

“What is it? Stuart, I thought we’d talked about this”

“We did, but I have more to say. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past few weeks and – tonight, and I need to tell you that I love you”

“Right. Can I go now?” He eyes Dakin’s hands on the arms of his wheelchair.

Dakin lets go. “You don’t have any reaction to that?” 

“Yes, I do. My reaction is pissed off. I know you're lonely, I know it's new years eve and everything, but you don’t get to run in and tell me that you love me and expect everything to be alright. Life doesn’t work that way” He tries to move past him but Dakin steps into his way.

“How does it work then?”

“I don’t know but not like this!”

“Ok how about this then: I love that you’re a massive nerd, I love that you tell me when I’m an arsehole, I love that you think eating a meal that’s assembled together on a plate is gross, I love how you nudge your glasses up your face when you’re looking at me like I’m crazy, you’re the first person I want to speak to every morning and the last person I want to speak to at night. I came running over here as soon as I realised and it’s not because I’m lonely and it’s not because it’s new years eve, I came here like this because when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible" He steps back a pace. "Say something. Please” 

As people around them start counting down the final ten seconds to the New Year.

“You see! You say things like this and you make it impossible for me to hate you! And I do! I fucking hate you Dakin” Tom chokes, unable to stop smiling.

“Can I kiss you?”

Tom nods, unsure whether to laugh or cry, and motions Dakin to help him stand.

Tom tastes salt on his lips as they softly meet Dakin's. For long moments he allows himself to bask in the feeling of rightness that accompanies the softness of his lips on Tom's own and the graze of Dakin's stubble against his chin. They break apart and he rests his forehead against Dakins, reluctant to let him go.

“I hate this bloody song” Dakin laughs as Auld Lang Syne rings out around them.

“Me too, blame Pos and his bloody school plays. Take me home?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK I actually had to use most of the film dialogue just because when I paraphrased or reworded it, it looked exactly like that's what I'd done and it was shitter (who knew, professional writers are better at this than me? I know, I'm shocked too)


	20. Chapter 20

2019

“So that’s how we met. First, we hated each other,”

“No you never hated me, I hated you” Tom corrects. “Then we were friends, then we hated each other again,”

“I didn’t hate you”

Tom ignores him. “Then we fell in love” 

“The tip for a successful relationship?" Stu rubs his chin, thoughtfully "Choose someone amazing?”

“Creep…" Tom laughs. "I think...Have similar interests”

“Thanks” Scripps puts away his recorder. “I don’t know why they have me doing this piece anyway. “Well I do, I’m the only gay one on the team, but lifestyle is hardly my genre.

“No problem Scrippsy, We owe it to you for looking after Tudor while we were on honeymoon”

"You owe me new slippers and all"

"Will you accept Tom's stash of confiscated girly gossip magazines as compensation? They'll help with the article"

"Go on then" He smiles at his friends, beaming with happiness and their little pet shredder snuggled between them, delighted to have them home.


End file.
